Today we were having a nice discussion about The Monkey’s Paw and the magic of irony. We discussed how messing with fate was destined to end badly for anyone who dared to use the cursed monkey's paw to make a wish.
In the story, the Old Man and Old Woman make their first wish for money to pay off their mortgage and keep their son out of debt. When the son dies in a tragic accident, the Old Man and Old Woman receive the money they had wished for, but as compensation for their son’s death. The second wish is made, and of course it is to bring their son back to life. During the night as their son makes his way back from the cemetery to their doorstep, the Old Man wizens up and makes the third and final wish for their son’s death.
Student: “That’s mean.”
Me: “If it makes you feel better, they didn’t wish to kill their son, they just wished that he didn’t have to come back all gross.”
Student: “So. It’s their son.”
Me: “You have to remember that he died by falling into machinery. Like you said before, he was all ground up like hamburger; the family couldn’t have an open casket. He has been buried for weeks, he had to climb out of his coffin and through six feet of dirt, and then he had to drag himself for miles back to his parents’ house. Now imagine that all of that had happened to you. Can you imagine what your body would feel like? Can you imagine what you would look like and smell like?
Student: “So. I don’t dress to impress.”
Me: “Well, I guess I can’t argue with that now can I?”
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
This post is brought to you by The Jersey Shore
How do I describe a day like today? For some reason the phrase “shit storm” comes to mind.
Block 1: Ok. 1st Block wasn’t too bad. I did have to confiscate several sheets of blank address labels. A student had stolen from the Science room (the teacher was gone and had a substitute) and had passed them out to several other kids who were now wearing them as mustaches. At the time I was really annoyed, but if I had known how the rest of the day was going to turn out, I would have let the whole class make fake mustaches and probably fake eyebrows as well.
Block 2: Tired of hearing the kids continuously break out into discussions regarding the crazy girl fight last week, I had to lay down the law. I reminded them that in my classroom, we do not engage in fighting and we do not talk about fighting. I told them if I catch them talking about school fights, they would have to call home and serve a lunch detention. A student responded:
Student: “What’s the big deal? It’s like 10 years later, and people still talk about 9/11.”
Me: “Don’t you dare compare a middle school girl fight to 9/11.” I was too frustrated to say anything else so I made the kids take a test.
Block 3: Although I made it through the Block without incident, as soon as I dismissed the class, all hell broke loose. In less than 5 seconds of the dismissal bell, I found myself diving through a crowd of 100 8th graders. I made it to the center of the chaos to find two girls on the floor. The 1st one was on her back on top of a teacher who had her restrained so she could no longer hit him. The 2nd girl, who is being pulled away by two other teachers, has both hands tightly gripped into the 1st girl’s hair. As the teachers begin to make some headway in separating the two, the 1st girl grabs the 2nd girl’s leg. The two teachers are now dragging all three of them down the hall while I am trying to hold back crowd. That’s when I notice a boy is repeatedly kicking the girl who is restrained. With one hand, I continue to hold back the crowd, while I pin the boy against the lockers with the other. He continues to kick her until I am able to get my body in between them. By then administration has arrived and I am off to write my 1st office referral of the day.
Block 4: (Students’ names have been changed to protect the innocent) After an… interesting day, 4th Block did not disappoint. Towards the end of the Block, I had a student go around and collect assignments. As I stood at the front of the room answering some questions I hear:
Student 1: “Well you’re DTF Jorge.”
At first I didn’t think much of it and the kids didn’t really react so I finished answering the question and gathered the assignments from my helper. As I’m straightening papers I hear:
Student 2: “Well you’re DTF Chavon.”
Student 3: “Well, you’re DTF Dylan.”
At this point I am at my desk with the papers. I set them down, flip open my laptop and google “DTF” (Now you have to understand, this whole process is taking approximately 30 seconds.
Just as a 4th student adds…
Student 4: “Well you’re DTF Miss Lewis”
… the results of my search pop up. "DTF= down to f—k, a phrase made popular by the MTV program, Jersey Shore." I can't believe it.
Student 4 and my eyes meet and I lose it. I slam both of my hands on the desk, casually walk to the center table, take a deep breath and I say “quite sternly”… yes let’s go with “sternly”…
Me: “This is what’s going to happen. I need to take a minute, so I am going to go over to my desk and write down a few names. If your name is on that list, you are going to be spending lunch detention with me today, tomorrow, Friday, and let’s just add all of next week as well. (Are you DTF with that?) Now, for the rest of the period, you are going to sit here in silence because I have some office referrals to write.” For the last six minutes, the only sound in the room came from my keyboard.
The only thing more uncomfortable than those 6 minutes, was listening to the students call their parents during lunch to explain what they had said during my class. One student was in tears before he even picked up the phone. Another one asked me, “How do I explain this in Spanish?” My response was, “Honey, you could probably say it in English and I’m sure there’s at least one word your mother will recognize.” While she talked to her mother, she had to hold the phone half a foot away from her ear because her mother was yelling so loudly. As she went to slam down the phone in mid conversation, I grabbed the phone and said, “You do NOT hang up on your mother!” She looked at me and mumbled, “Um, my mom was so mad that she just hung up on me.”
Block 1: Ok. 1st Block wasn’t too bad. I did have to confiscate several sheets of blank address labels. A student had stolen from the Science room (the teacher was gone and had a substitute) and had passed them out to several other kids who were now wearing them as mustaches. At the time I was really annoyed, but if I had known how the rest of the day was going to turn out, I would have let the whole class make fake mustaches and probably fake eyebrows as well.
Block 2: Tired of hearing the kids continuously break out into discussions regarding the crazy girl fight last week, I had to lay down the law. I reminded them that in my classroom, we do not engage in fighting and we do not talk about fighting. I told them if I catch them talking about school fights, they would have to call home and serve a lunch detention. A student responded:
Student: “What’s the big deal? It’s like 10 years later, and people still talk about 9/11.”
Me: “Don’t you dare compare a middle school girl fight to 9/11.” I was too frustrated to say anything else so I made the kids take a test.
Block 3: Although I made it through the Block without incident, as soon as I dismissed the class, all hell broke loose. In less than 5 seconds of the dismissal bell, I found myself diving through a crowd of 100 8th graders. I made it to the center of the chaos to find two girls on the floor. The 1st one was on her back on top of a teacher who had her restrained so she could no longer hit him. The 2nd girl, who is being pulled away by two other teachers, has both hands tightly gripped into the 1st girl’s hair. As the teachers begin to make some headway in separating the two, the 1st girl grabs the 2nd girl’s leg. The two teachers are now dragging all three of them down the hall while I am trying to hold back crowd. That’s when I notice a boy is repeatedly kicking the girl who is restrained. With one hand, I continue to hold back the crowd, while I pin the boy against the lockers with the other. He continues to kick her until I am able to get my body in between them. By then administration has arrived and I am off to write my 1st office referral of the day.
Block 4: (Students’ names have been changed to protect the innocent) After an… interesting day, 4th Block did not disappoint. Towards the end of the Block, I had a student go around and collect assignments. As I stood at the front of the room answering some questions I hear:
Student 1: “Well you’re DTF Jorge.”
At first I didn’t think much of it and the kids didn’t really react so I finished answering the question and gathered the assignments from my helper. As I’m straightening papers I hear:
Student 2: “Well you’re DTF Chavon.”
Student 3: “Well, you’re DTF Dylan.”
At this point I am at my desk with the papers. I set them down, flip open my laptop and google “DTF” (Now you have to understand, this whole process is taking approximately 30 seconds.
Just as a 4th student adds…
Student 4: “Well you’re DTF Miss Lewis”
… the results of my search pop up. "DTF= down to f—k, a phrase made popular by the MTV program, Jersey Shore." I can't believe it.
Student 4 and my eyes meet and I lose it. I slam both of my hands on the desk, casually walk to the center table, take a deep breath and I say “quite sternly”… yes let’s go with “sternly”…
Me: “This is what’s going to happen. I need to take a minute, so I am going to go over to my desk and write down a few names. If your name is on that list, you are going to be spending lunch detention with me today, tomorrow, Friday, and let’s just add all of next week as well. (Are you DTF with that?) Now, for the rest of the period, you are going to sit here in silence because I have some office referrals to write.” For the last six minutes, the only sound in the room came from my keyboard.
The only thing more uncomfortable than those 6 minutes, was listening to the students call their parents during lunch to explain what they had said during my class. One student was in tears before he even picked up the phone. Another one asked me, “How do I explain this in Spanish?” My response was, “Honey, you could probably say it in English and I’m sure there’s at least one word your mother will recognize.” While she talked to her mother, she had to hold the phone half a foot away from her ear because her mother was yelling so loudly. As she went to slam down the phone in mid conversation, I grabbed the phone and said, “You do NOT hang up on your mother!” She looked at me and mumbled, “Um, my mom was so mad that she just hung up on me.”
Friday, January 14, 2011
Holy Haunted House
To cushion the blow of making my students take a test, for the third time this week, I decided to read aloud a chapter from The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. We got to the part where Katniss Everdeen is saying her final farewells, before being sent off to compete in the Hunger Games (a fight to the death on live TV). Her best friend Gale is advising her to get her hands on a bow and arrow because she is a skilled hunter and he knows it might give her a chance.
“Listen,” he says. “Getting a knife should be pretty easy, but you’ve
got to get your hands on a bow. That’s your best chance.”
“They don’t always have bows,” I say, thinking of the year there were
only horrible spiked maces that the tributes had to bludgeon one another
to death with.”
At this point, I asked the class if they know what a mace is and the following discussion transpired:
Student 1: “Isn’t that what you spray in people’s eyes when you get mugged?”
Me: “You’re thinking of mace, like pepper spray, but the sentence uses the word ‘bludgeon’ so in this case, they are referring to a different kind of ‘mace’ or weapon.
I am greeted with blank stares.
Me: “You may have seen a mace in the Capital One commercials with the Vikings. A mace has a wooden or metal handle with a chain on one end. At the end of the chain is a metal ball with spikes on it, and you swing it around really hard and slam down.”
Student 2: “Oh yeah. They used one of those when they killed Jesus in that movie.”
Me: “I know what you’re thinking of, but that was more like a whip. You’re right, though, that weapon was spiked on the end, but a mace is used more for smashing.”
A couple of girls are suddenly really eager to tell share what’s on their minds:
Girl 1: “Oh that was insane. They killed that Jesus guy.” (She starts to move around in her desk, pantomiming to better explain herself.) “They put a spike through this wrist, then that one, so he wouldn’t fall off of his cross.”
Girl 2: “We learned all about it. They put spiky things on him…”
Girl 1: “It was a crown of thorns. Then they whipped him and stabbed him while he was still alive. Then they made him drag his heavy cross through the town and he was all bloody.”
Girl 1: “It was really crazy.”
Girl 2: “Did you know that’s how he died?”
Me: “The story does sounds a little bit familiar. Where did you find out about this?”
Girl 2: “Up the street last Halloween in a haunted house. It was really scary.”
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Now that's a mouthful
Today in our staff meeting, it took less than five minutes to be reminded that teachers can be just as immature as students. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from staff meetings:
“Mr. ---- tried to help me with this power point this morning, but he just couldn’t get it up.”
“When kids use this foldable to take their notes, you have to remind them of these simple steps: pinch, fold, then peek inside and find the hidden spot. That’s what we call it, the ‘hidden spot.’ I even made these special signs because some kids really have trouble remembering how to find their hidden spot.”
“Anybody can be nice when you work with them one on one, even a serial killer.” – In regards to picking a student to mentor.
“Oops. It’s looking a little droopy. Try using both hands.”
“This year we need to make sure we personally touch each and every one of our students.”
"My mom hated recess duty, because she had to say things like, 'Stand in line and hold on to your balls.'"
“Mr. ---- tried to help me with this power point this morning, but he just couldn’t get it up.”
“When kids use this foldable to take their notes, you have to remind them of these simple steps: pinch, fold, then peek inside and find the hidden spot. That’s what we call it, the ‘hidden spot.’ I even made these special signs because some kids really have trouble remembering how to find their hidden spot.”
“Anybody can be nice when you work with them one on one, even a serial killer.” – In regards to picking a student to mentor.
“Oops. It’s looking a little droopy. Try using both hands.”
“This year we need to make sure we personally touch each and every one of our students.”
"My mom hated recess duty, because she had to say things like, 'Stand in line and hold on to your balls.'"
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