Thursday, August 23, 2012
Monday, December 19, 2011
I have noticed, that although my blog as moved to a new site, I am still getting hits here at Blogspot. For those of you faithful readers, or those of you who have just stumbled upon this site, here is my latest blog post. To catch up on any posts you have missed, or to subscribe to my new site, please visit ClassroomConfessions.com today.
Me: Funny you should ask because I have never seen it. I started to watch it on Saturday but never finished it. It was pretty stupid. It was funny, but I could actually feel myself getting dumber as I watched it.
Student: Really? You're gonna play that card? You're around us 8th graders all day. What could make you feel dumber than that?
I over heard this little gem while I was on the other side of the room entering my attendance.
Student: When I grow up, I’m going to be the sexiest man alive. You know it. The day I was born, was the day the world started breathing. I got it all. What don’t I have? I’m gonna be on stage rockin' my guitar with leather chaps and my big ‘ol happy trail. I’m gonna wear that everywhere I go.
This morning, I decided to play a little joke on my students.
Me: So class. I was talking to Miss Smith next door and she told me that she was going to get some posters for her room. She also told me that some of you had the nerve to say, “Just as long as they’re not Justin Bieber posters like Miss Lewis has.” How dare you? That makes me think you don’t appreciate the things I do for you. I spend my own money to try to make this room look nice and student friendly and you criticize the way I do it?
Students: Look down at their desks tops not speaking.
Me: Setting a cardboard poster tube on the table. So this weekend, I went to every Walmart, every F.Y.E. and every Hot Topic and I bought every single Justin Bieber poster I could find. Look out kids because this room is about to get Bieberized. Starting with this gem… I stand back to unroll... the Official Hunger Games movie poster.One student mumbled under his breath, "Oh my God. I think half the class just had a nerdgasm." Seriously? Where do these kids get this stuff
A couple of weeks ago, while playing a game of Scattergories, the letter was “P” and one of the items on the list was “personality traits.” We went around the room and teams shouted out their answers.
Student 1: Patient
Student 2: Persistent
Student 3: Polite
Student 4: Ours is double points. A people pleaser.
Me: That’s really good. All of your answers are good.
Student 4: (muttering to his classmates) Yep, I please you for $3.99 an hour.
Student 4: Ummm... ummm...
Me: $3.99 an hour? You’re cheap.
Student 4: (chuckling) Oh. I thought I was going to be in trouble.
Me: Well, it sounds like you're already in enough trouble if you’re only charging $3.99 an hour.
Student 4: Miss Lewis…
Me: What? I’m just saying, your services must not be very good.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Some of you might wonder, why the change?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Student: “People think I’m a nerd. I’m not really a nerd. I just know things… but I do want to get one of those ‘NERD’ shirts like yours though. Oh my mom had a friend who was in gifted-and-talented when she was in high school. I’ve known her forever. They paid her way to go to college. Hey Miss Lewis, do you have your iPad with you? I was going to ask you if I could play with it.”
Announcement: “Mr. Vogel, Please come to the office.”
Student: “Hee hee hee. Did they just say Mr. Vogel?”
Me: “Yes. Yes they did. Why do you know who Mr. Vogel is?”
Student: “No, it’s just funny because that’s a car.”
Me: “Nope. That’s Volvo.”
I suggest that the student get out a netbook and work on our class blog or play some games. It gets quiet… for a while…
Enter four girls with no place to go. They also get on a computer. For the next hour, I listen to a whole lot of Katy Perry being “sung” at me, along with a slew of, “Come here and look at this” as they Google pictures of Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner to ogle over. Then the musical renditions of Evenessance starts…
Skip ahead 20 minutes. The girls are driving me insane so I suggest they go elsewhere. They do. It’s quiet.
Me: “So what are you going to do over break?
Student: “I’m going to go to my uncle’s. I’m just going to hang. Probably get an Adventureland pass. Last year I didn’t go much, but I’m thinking this summer I’ll go on Monday through Thursday, not every day, maybe just Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays, but I like Friday's too. Hey How do you get carpal tunnel from texting? Because on 1,000 Ways to Die there was a lady who had type 3 carpal tunnel from texting and she went to get some stress relief from acupuncture and she went to grab her phone and she fell and the needle went through her head. Oh, I like that Final Destination movie. It's crazy. Well, I don't like 2, 3, or 4; I like the first one. It was crazy. I want to see the new movie Paul with the alien. It looks really good but I’m not old enough to go. I’ll see if my step-mom can take me. I’ll go with her if she wants to see it. But she won’t get it. She’s old. She’s not young like me. You would get it because you’re funny, but she’s just old and not funny. I get driver’s permit soon. I’m a good driver. I’ve driven across town before on my own. I did really good, I just have problems with my turns. I’m more safer than my sister. It takes her forever to pull out of the driveway.
Now the girls have returned with all of their Katy Perry glory. I make them clean my desktops while they argue over which is better; Subway or Quiznos…
Thursday, February 3, 2011
To inspire their young minds, I showed them a Facebook post from my friend Brian:
Survival Log: Day 2 - Things are beginning to degrade. The snow has piled up past the garage doors making travel difficult. I have removed the tires from the car and shredded them to fashion a series of digging tools. Was also able to duct tape a fork to a pool cue and create a makeshift harpoon, which I immediately used to harpoon the neighbor’s cat. Poor guy never saw it coming but at least now we're eating.
These were some of the paragraphs my gems came up with... clearly we still have some work to do...
"I was so bored during the snow storm, I thought I was dead."
"On our snow day it was so bad. The snow drift piled up to the sky. The wind was so cold that when old ladies go outside, they swear up and down they see polar bears."
"There was so much snow I couldn’t see outside. We were out of food so we had to eat snow. I died of the ultimate brain freeze."
"On Tuesday, Des Moines Schools got out of school early because there was snow up to our eyes. We had a hard time getting home. There were 1,000 car accidents in 15 minutes. It was OUTRAGEOUS!"
"On Tuesday was a bad day because it was alot of snow. It was really coold outside. We whent home urly. It was exaggeration to be home and I didn’t know what to do."
"The snow was so white and deep it would go past your head. This big bad blizzard happened on Wednesday. Oh jeez it was BIG! The wind would blow you away all the way to Mexico."
"Yesterday during the blizzard we didn’t go anywhere cuz we couldn’t get out the door. My mom suggested we clean the house. We really had no choice cuz my mom was a force to be reckoned with. That was the worst day of my life. School would of bin better."